LOCKED UP... It has been almost a month since my break up...
Enough time to lessen the pain if not eliminate it completely...
Or so i thought....
I was just so wrong...
The pain has nowhere come to becoming less...
Instead it has just got worse...
Small things remind me of him...
Memories, words, places still bring tears to my eyes...
I thought time heals all pain...
But my pain still burns into my soul...
Destroying my heart...
The pain i feel is not just emotional...
It is a physical hurt deep within me...
Something unlike i had ever felt before...
Something i can't seem to find a cure for...
And i wonder...
Is there a cure for it at all...
Or am i destined to suffer in this hell of mine forever...
The fateful day he walked out of the door...
It felt like he took my soul away with him...
And all he left behind was a shell...
A shell which is just a shadow of what i once was...
Its feels like i have been robbed of
all my feelings and emotions...
I feel like i can never love again...
And i am scared...
I am scared because i'm in denial...
I know exactly what has hapened...
I know he has left and is never going to come back...
But instead of giving vent to my anger, my pain, my sorrow...
I've just locked away my emotions behind a door...
A door i refuse to open...
A door which once open will set forth a tidal wave of hurt...
A wave which will awash me in pain and drown me in its depth...
I refuse to cry...
I refuse to get bitter...
I refuse to get angry at him...
It's not that i haven't acknowledged the fact that we are no more together...
But then instead of hurting...
I have shut my soul to the pain...
I don't want to think...
I don't want to remember...
Maybe all i need is to let the truth set in...
But with this truth will come the pain...
Which i don't want to suffer...
I need a closure...
But i can't seem to let go...
Maybe i don't want to let go
(Shit this line sounds just so sad to me)...
I'm scared...
Scared to feel the familiar pain...
The familiar feeling of sinking into a deep abyss...
The familiar feeling of being abandoned...
I needed to open my locked up feelings and let go...
Once and for all...
I need to cry my heart out...
Till i can cry no more...
I need to hurt till i can hurt no more...
And then i'll at last be okay...
I really really need...
To unlock my Locked Up Emotions...
GOD BLESS ME....
posted by J A D E D......... @ 1:03 PM
2 Comments:
At 10:19 AM,
Anonymous said…
"Love can't be pure or true when one partner counts on getting something back from the other.
You should just surrender to the emotion."
this is what u 'v done ...u'v allready surrendered....
it's just that he didn't...
no matter....u'v done ur part honestly ...
so why to feel angery, pain, sorrow....u needn't be...
u love him.....and never in ur life u can hate him.....bcoz it's ur love(prbly 1st love)....
just be haapy ....that u gave whatever u had....but he didn't understand ur worth...
may be he'l understand u later in his life, or may be he is more happy with someone else ....
in both the cases ...u shld be happy.......
when in love we just wants to see our partner happy....isn't it?
may be he is more happy now...
so why didn't u ....u too shld be more happier ....
still we r human beings, we do need to be loved ....so we do expect love back frm our partner...
sometimes we get it ..sometimes we don't...
let's leave that to god...just lets do our part honestly...
Don't keep urself locked.....open it...
pain, sorrow......r part of life ...u shld learn to live with it...
he is ur part of life....it's a truth.....
whenever u'l compile your own life...somewhere he'l be in it....
learn to live with it.....
when u want to cry ....do cry....
when u want to feel the pain.....do it
when u want to angery....just be it...
bcoz it's ur life, u can do it if u feel so.....
but u cann't make, someone else feel the way u r...it's them to understand u...love u
yet when u love them.....
u knw what 'l hurt them...before they get hurt
u knw what 'l make them cry......before they start crying...
u knw what 'l make them happy.....when they r sad....
it's bcoz u love ......
so if u can give so much to ur love for the days u were toghter...u did love truely...
now if he don't need u now........may be he has a better partner to understand.....
may be he is more happy.....
so....u try too be haapy too....
it's all happiness that we want in our lives...
Do open the door, God 'l allways bless u...
may be u'l get another shoulder to cry...
may be smone better to understand u....
in three words LIFE can be described....."LIFE GOES ON"...
so do spend the days of ur life happyly....
life has many things to be learnt...
At 2:46 PM,
J A D E D......... said…
Hey....
I totally agree to what you say sourabh...
Life is about moving on,there is no stop except the ultimate halt called death...
And yes everytime we make expectations we mostly are let down...Love isn't about getting it is all about giving everything you have...
In today's fast paced world we tend to keep our true feelings locked up...
Till we being to feel like time bombs waiting to explode...
I know i need to accept the truth no matter how hard and bitter and ultimately move on...
And oneday i'm sure i'll find true happiness how can i not when i have Great Friends like you'll...
Ciao...
And thanks...
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